Self Expectation

I haven’t written anything for quite some time. There are several reasons for this, but the main reason is simply that I could not think of anything worthy of writing.

I’ve also just spent quite a bit of time just thinking. And then I realized something. I had this great view of my next blog, an amazing topic that causes each and every reader to have the biggest epiphany of their life. That’s what I wanted. That was my goal. And that was my intent.

And I never felt ‘up’ to the task of meeting that goal. It was a tough goal to try to meet. And each time I came up with a topic for a blog, it wasn’t good enough. It wouldn’t have that power I needed and wanted. So the blog was never written.

I had this incredibly unrealistic view of what I wanted, with no real procedure to get there. And slowly, that need to write was building up and building up.

And then I read something. It talked about how we naturally love to write, how we naturally love spelling and grammar, and how we ultimately love English, despite many people saying, “I’m no good at writing”, or “I hate writing”. We grow up with this expectation that we must write perfectly, and even that good grammar and good sentence structure and spelling equates to good writing, which is not true at all.

I’ve also had several experiences recently that support my views on reality, and how it’s shaped. You can plan out your world, you can shape and design it as if you were the sculptor and creator, but what truly creates and shapes your world is not what you want, but what you need.

This blog exists because I realized that trying to write the most ground-breaking epiphany generating blog is unrealistic. This blog exists not because I wanted to write an amazing piece, but simply because I needed to write.

And the words that have never failed to ring true come from a famous song.

“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.”

Indeed, wanting is unstable. When we get what we want, we are happy, and when we don’t, we are not. That is the definition of attachments. Of addictions, even. Fixating our emotional well-being on external sources, like possessions or the validation of others.

Shedding those attachments and addictions is also the core philosophy behind Buddhism.

“If your mind becomes firm like a rock, and no longer shakes in a world where everything is shaking, your mind will become your greatest friend and suffering will not come your way.”

The mind also has an interesting effect on our world and how we perceive it. We have a tenancy to not look at the small details first, we look at the big picture. And instead of seeing steps up the side of a mountain, we see an unclimbable monster. And so long as we perceive the mountain to be impossible, so it shall remain.

However, that mountain is also made up of smaller parts. And while you might not be able to scale a mountain in a single stride, there are smaller hills and faces that make that mountain up. And those smaller faces are much more manageable.

The advice I’ve always heard about trying to accomplish large goals is to break them up into smaller goals. The advice I’ve always heard about coping with pain, or dealing with stress is to take it day by day. Coping with years of pain is hard. Coping with a day of pain is much more manageable, like climbing up one face of the mountain.

The same can be applied to this blog. I took it word by word, phrase by phrase, bit by bit.

And in not trying to write the most amazing blog and scale the biggest mountain, I did.



~ by Misuchi Sakurai on September 9, 2010.

One Response to “Self Expectation”

  1. born 9,9,68 cant spell or write can read. was a Buddhist monk once and am sick with cancer now. like what i read about pain it ant easy to take for years. but is good to not give up or blame others for any thing. not easy to do. i have bone cancer head and lung and now liver cancer it is all over the body now. but am good as i dont blame any one or give in to anger as much any more. this was some thing i was able to get that is worth all the pain. my mind would have had to go may be even till next life to get these lessons . keep being simple.

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